I wanted to take a moment to share a personal update and let you know that I’ll be pressing the “pause” button on this Substack for the next few months. So much for me getting relaunched! 😉

My son, Caleb, 27, recently had emergency back surgery, and I’ve stepped into the role of caregiver during his recovery. It’s a privilege to be able to help him heal, but it also requires my full presence—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

At the same time, I’m becoming more aware of the limitations I live with in the aftermath of cancer treatment. I’m still discovering the ways it has reshaped my energy, stamina, and overall well-being. There’s a certain humility in recognizing what I can no longer push through, and instead learning to listen to my body and honor its signals. I feel like I’m still 24 on the inside, but the calendar tells me I’m pushing 61. So, there’s that too.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the wisdom of St. Thérèse of Lisieux and her “Little Way”—the idea that small, loving acts done with great intention are just as important as grand gestures. For most of my life, I’ve carried a sense of urgency to help others, to “save the world” in some way, er, a BIG way, actually. But now, I’m sensing a call to quiet that impulse and simply tend to what’s in front of me—my family, my health, and the still, small voice within.

So for now, I’m stepping back from publishing regular newsletters. It is a humbling action for me to take because I feel like it is yet another thing on my massive pile of incomplete projects and abandoned dreams. It feels an awful lot like failure, but I am working hard at reframing that perspective. And I also understand that the deepest spiritual work any individual can do is to hold all things with open hands and to realize that letting go, especially in the second half of life, is essential if we are to grow older with grace and a deeper capacity to both give and receive love.

I’ll use this time to focus on helping my son recover and gently reevaluate my business ideas and future direction. I’m not disappearing—just retreating into a quieter season.

Thank you for reading, for your support, and for walking this path with me. In the meanwhile, I will still be writing and posting things just under The Zany Sage since topics will be a montage of ADHD-fueled musings, quirky humor pieces, and slice of life stories.

I wish for you peace and send you love,
Theresa AKA The Zany Sage AKA addlepated nurse mama 😉

PS My daughter, Molly, set up a GoFundMe for Caleb’s recovery from spinal surgery. If you’d like to help, please know every dollar will be gratefully accepted and put to good use.

I was once happily ignorant of infidelity and all its psychological implications and the damage it inflicts on the betrayed. Over the years, I’ve watched some dear friends go through infidelity and while I felt compassion for them, I truly never understood just how devastating it is to experience being cheated on. Especially after a long marriage.

I did what I often do when I am dealing with difficulty. I read. I think it’s a distraction technique that I’ve used in order to avoid the pain of a shattered heart.

If I could just understand what went wrong. What do the statistics say? How do other women survive? And just how bad was it, anyway? I mean, after all, I “only” experienced an emotional affair and then one whole enchilada affair with another woman later.

It seems not so bad when compared to a woman who discovers her husband has another family that he’s kept under wraps for decades. Or the serial cheater who ends up gifting the wife with STDs- the range of which can be literally life -threatening. (Like HPV, which causes cervical cancer.)

If you have been cheated on, I am so very sorry. It hurts like hell. And I know there are a multitude of questions spinning and clanking around in your head like an out-of-balance washing machine.

Ultimately, the BIG question is,

❓Do you stay or go?

It looks like it just needs a simple yes or no answer. But for most of us, it’s not that simple. (Exception: Abusive situations. Run. Now.)

The multitude of factors is dizzying. Which is why it is important to, as much as you can do so objectively, look at the degree of severity of the infidelity.

I want to emphasize however that just because betrayal may seem “minor” compared to other extremes, there is no corresponding “heartbreak scale” that can accurately reflect the level of devastation even if the indiscretion was “only” from kissing a coworker at the drunken office party.

And while I’m not suggesting you compare your situation to someone else’s; it is helpful to see an overview of the spectrum of betrayal and how that might better inform your decision.

🧑‍🏫First, What Constitutes Infidelity?

I grabbed the American Heritage Dictionary definition. I am only quoting the definitions as it pertains to marriage.

1. Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse.

2. An act of sexual unfaithfulness.

3. Lack of fidelity or loyalty.

4. Unfaithfulness to the marriage vow or contract; violation of the marriage covenant by adultery.

5. Unfaithfulness in marriage: practice or instance of having a sexual or romantic affair with someone other than one’s spouse, without the consent of the spouse.

Seems fairly cut and dried. But not so fast. Because infidelity isn’t about sex with someone outside your marriage.

Infidelity also includes online relationships and emotional affairs. Wrapped up in all this is are several micro betrayals delivered with each lie and denial. But I’m going to focus on the presenting behavior only.

Ready? Let’s go!

🌡️Degrees of Infidelity

Minor Flirting-Often viewed as harmless because it’s just in good fun, right? And besides, there’s no sex, so just STFU and get over it.

Not so fast! Flirting with someone who is not your spouse can damage the healthiest of marriages by creating feelings of insecurity and self-doubt in the partner. Not to mention fear of betrayal. Left unchecked, it’s an invitation to further erosion.

The sorta good news? Minor flirting can serve as a wake-up call for your marriage. And the repairs needed here are much easier to heal at this stage. It’s critical to work on communication and to discuss the use of boundaries.

😍Emotional Affairs-We’re talking about building an emotional bond outside your marriage. It’s a sexless affair. And this was my first experience of infidelity and it was devastating. He met someone through work and became infatuated with her.

It went on for over a year and my attempts to discuss it were met with stonewalling. I could feel growing contempt while the gulf between us widened.

Emotional infidelity is a big hairy ass deal. And if the marriage is to survive, therapy is a must.

I am not alone in how strongly I feel about this. A YouGov study found that among 1,000 adults, 60% of women said emotional infidelity is worse than physical cheating.

There must be accountability for the straying spouse as well. I.e., you should be free to check his phone anytime without being treated like the spawn of Satan. It is reasonable to request a change in employment also if they work together. Insist that any other points of contact with the person end, no matter how innocent looking it may seem.

💃Physical Affairs-On top of all the bullshit above, the betrayed spouse has now descended into Dante’s 8^th level of hell. (There are 9, but I’m saving that level for the serial cheaters.)

Not only is there the emotional fallout, there is now concern for sexually transmitted diseases and for some women, the devastation of finding out their spouse is a baby daddy with another woman or women.

The breach of trust is multi-layered and breathtaking. For approximately five months, he would look me in the eye and lie about his whereabouts. I did not know while it was going on because on a deep level, I never imagined my husband would pursue another woman . And talk about feeling like a chum

Can your relationship survive this? That depends. Are you both willing to submit to intensive couples and individual therapy? Is the betrayer willing to show genuine remorse through complete transparent accountability? Are you willing to look deep within at yourself at what you’ve contributed to the marital breakdown that paved a way to infidelity? (I’m saying that last question with great sensitivity because no one party is ever solely to blame for marriage issues. And let me be clear, even if you were a total bitch of a partner, no one deserves betrayal and it is not your fault.)

Statistically speaking, infidelity is a leading cause of divorce, while 53% of couples stay together after infidelity.

For those who enter therapy, 76% can stay together according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Only 15% will recover without professional help.

If you choose to stay in the relationship, there is much work to be done and there is no set timeline or path to “all’s is well now.” So be patience, both with yourself and your partner.

🤥Serial Cheating-Welcome to the 9^th level of hell. Here, cheating is a lifestyle, often without remorse. They go from one fling to another in their selfish quest for excitement and the thrill of forbidden fruit. Or perhaps they are a sex addict.

The saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t a universal truth, but there are certainly indications that suggest some validity to the statement. And of course, the factors that contribute to habitual cheating are many.

I’ve met some women who have been married to serial philanders, and the damage is heartbreaking. One woman discovered all her lady bits were scarred over from STDs, leaving her unable to bear children.

Is there healing possible in this situation? Can someone truly transform from such toxic behaviors?

I absolutely believe there is ALWAYS the possibility of growth and change. I believe in redemption.

The better question to ask, however, are they WILLING to change? Are they willing to do the inner work required for that change? And are you willing to be along for the ride because it’s going to take a hella long time.

Sadly, I think the answer to that is more often than not, no. But every situation is unique.

I’ve heard more than one woman declare their love, commitment, and belief that their spouse will stop cheating and turn their hearts toward home again.

I held onto this belief even though it wasn’t serial infidelity in my case. But regardless, it is a belief I had to reexamine.

Is my love and commitment, even after being so deeply wounded, the real deal… or is it the ideal I’ve clung to despite evidence to the contrary? It was shocking to myself to realize I had been clinging to ideals. Not that there wasn’t genuine love and concern for him, because there was and is.

I would also tell myself that he still loved me despite the egregious behavior. Um no. Love doesn’t bring intentional harm. I was trying to build a fantasyland of Happily Ever After, even though that ship had already sailed.

I had to accept that fact that no matter how hard I believed we could turn things around; it was useless without his unwavering recommitment.

And this is when I realized it was a gift to myself and to him to divorce. I had tried to wish away the signs, but it was clear it was over between us.

I don’t envy the decisions you may be facing if your spouse is a habitual cheater. And once again, I encourage you to get into therapy to help you see things more clearly. From there, you can make your decision.

⚕️Hope for Healing After Infidelity

I am so sorry if you are dealing with infidelity. No matter the level, it is, I believe, one of the deepest soul wounds a person can receive. Especially if the marriage at one time was filled with love and trust.

Please take action. I know the initial shock can paralyze, but after that settles down, there is work to be done, starting with yourself. I realized my how my views were skewered and unhealthy through therapy.

Finally, make forgiveness your ultimate aim. I would also admonish you to resist the temptation to shit talk. Even if he is an impenitent dirt bag. Even if you are fully justified. Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. If you have kids, it is a gift for them as well.

The thought of forgiveness may seem impossible when the pain levels are so high and that is okay. It is a process. And a necessary part of healing.

But with time, you will heal. And by choosing to stay on the healing path it will eventually lead you to a wiser and more peaceful life.

I wish for you much love, grace and peace. 💓

You’re thrilled… but there’s also a niggling little voice reminding you of all your previous attempts and subsequent lapses back into chaos.

It feels great…for a few days, anyway

Slowly, then suddenly, it’s baaaaaaack, like Arnold in a new movie, Terminator: Clutter Edition.

Welcome to the Clutter Cycle, ADHD style. Only you can’t medicate these piles into order.

What exactly is it? It’s looks something like this:

Clutter ➡️ Overwhelm ➡️ Avoid ➡️ Shame ➡️ Panic Tidy ➡️ Burnout ➡️ Clutter again.

Sound familiar? You are not alone. I’ve seen it more times than I can count in my work as a professional organizer. Please know that this is very typical. Your experience is normal. But for ADHDers and neurodivergent folks, it can be especially difficult.

The clutter cycle isn’t the result of a character flaw. It’s driven by a lack of a decluttering system. ADHD brains especially need friction-free systems when you’re having one of those days.

Purging the excess is only the first step. Stopping there will only perpetuate the clutter cycle. There needs to be maintenance strategies in place, not to mention an honest look at your expectations, especially if you’re comparing yourself to curated Pinterest images.

Having a simple (emphasis on SIMPLE) system in place is key to your success. Here are some tips on how to do just that.

🚮Ditch the Excess

First step, I give you: T’s First Commandment of Organizing:

🚫 Thou shalt not organize clutter. 🚫

I will not sugarcoat it. You’ve got 3,000 square feet ‘o’ stuff in your 1,500 sq ft home. There is an American epidemic of Stuffitis and we’re drowning in it. The reasons for this are many, but I will not dig into that right now.

Organized clutter is still clutter, and failure to get the excess out of your home will keep you doing the Stuff Shuffle Crazy Dance. I cannot overstate the importance of this, even if you have plenty of storage (for now anyway!).

⚙️Systematize, Baby!

After the purge, designing a system that is tailormade for your home and lifestyle is next. For instance, is the kitchen table the heart of your home? Or is the family room the central room? Your answer will determine your strategy.

Do you enter your home through the garage or the front door? That’s the place to set up a “drop zone” along with hooks for your keys.

Open baskets versus lidded containers? (I usually recommend open baskets, except for things like season items, like holiday decorations.)

Are you a cook? A baker? Or is your idea of “home " heat and eat” meals for the microwave? The answers will determine how to set up your workflow in a way that increases efficiency and prevents clutter creep.

🤔Automating Decisions

Decision fatigue can sabotage the best of efforts. Questions like, should I keep this? Or where should this live? It can cause death by a thousand cuts.

A system can automate those decisions. Something as simple as turning hangers around in the closet for items that you wear regularly will help you easily identified clothing that needs to go to the thrift store.

I had one client who was frustrated with the well-intended doo-dads and junk food given by grandparents to her young kids. It would just end up in a pile in the kitchen, right next to a simmering pot of resentment. We figured out a solution. (She set up a “grandparent” table in the garage to decide what actually came or didn’t come into the house. It worked beautifully. You would have thought we had just split an atom, so great was her delight at such a simple and successful solution. Bonus: She could graciously accept the goodies without feeling obligated to bring them into the home.)

💓Be Kind to Yourself!

Keeping realistic expectations will serve you well in breaking the clutter cycle. Life happens! Heath issues, family demands, a busy season at work, it’s not if these things happen it’s WHEN it will happen. Your home will reflect such seasons.

So yeah, you may backslide a little. Or even a lot. And that is okay. It’s always an opportunity to take stock of what’s working and what isn’t.

Be assured that as you establish your new systems, back sliding becomes less frequent and/or less severe.

The only thing certainty in life is that life is dynamic and in a constant state of change. The needs in your home will change, and your systems accordingly. (For instance, bringing a new baby home or setting up an office out of the spare bedroom.)

📏Progress Over Perfection

Decluttering and breaking the Clutter Cycle is not a one and done. It is an ongoing practice. And any stumble isn’t a failure, it’s feedback. That feedback may inform you that the system needs to be tweaked or that you need to do a deeper purge. Or perhaps it’s simply another opportunity for you to practice self-kindness or to learn to laugh at life’s messiness.

Your home is not meant to be a storage unit. It should be your soft place to land and recharge, a place of refuge from life’s demands. A place of peace. You’ve got better things to do with your one wild and precious life than play clutter reindeer games.

You deserve nothing less!

What are your challenges? Drop me a comment and let’s talk!

And as always, thank you for reading and sharing.

Yours in Making the World Just a Little More Organized,

Theresa

PS You are loved. ❤️

The Zany Sage is a labor of love and offered to all free of charge. But if you are able and so inclined, each paid subscription helps me keep the lights on and the coffee pot filled. No matter how you subscribe, I appreciate you!

Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

The moment of disclosure of my then-husband’s infidelity was one of the most traumatic events of my life. As a rape survivor and a breast cancer survivor, I don’t share those words lightly.

He confessed during a marriage therapy session. I could feel my world tilting, slo-mo. And then it started to spin. The stress hormones dumped into my body felt like a bomb went off. My very cells reverberated with the impact. Any cognition went off-line as primal instincts to find safety hijacked my physiology. I must run. Find safety.

I bolted from the therapist’s office and headed for the trails where I could discharge the initial waves of rage and grief. It was only a short time later that I realized the date: December 7.

My very own Pearl Harbor, a moment that will forever live in infamy, stamped into my nervous system.

Hello, Betrayal Trauma

What you have experienced is betrayal trauma (Betrayal PTSD) and it occurs when a person is betrayed by a trusted person.

That initial dump of stress hormones is only the beginning of a full assault on your emotional, mental, and physical health as you try to take in the unimaginable. It will take months, maybe even years, to fully grasp the extent of the depth and breadth of the damage.

Those early days are fraught with racing thoughts, endless questions, and dark feelings of shame and rejection. There is a hurricane of emotions.

There was life before infidelity, and life after infidelity, and you can’t go back.

Suddenly, everything you believed is now up for reappraisal. Was our relationship ever real? Was it all a lie? Why, why, WHY?

I loved being a homemaker and raising our kids. But now I’m gob smacked with how could I have been so stupid not to have my own income? I realized how vulnerable I am economically since my earning years were spent caring for my family. Little did I know the shadow this would cast over my economic future. No retirement package for this girl. No running home to lick my wounds… my parents have been gone for decades.

What’s a girl to do?

This is no time to suck it up, buttercup. And this is no time for you to look for the silver lining or spend energy trying to assure concerned loved ones. Your life just imploded.

Own the anger. Cry and scream. Visit a rage room and break and smash things. And if anyone tells you to tone it down, to be positive and to forgive and move one…. Well, if you can’t say it, let me say it for you.

Tell them to FUCK OFF.

There. Doesn’t that feel just a little bit better?

Next on your list, breathe. Seriously. Breathe. Under times of stress, our breathing naturally gets more rapid and shallow. That’s your sympathetic nervous system at work. It’s the fight-or-flight response. If our bodies were cars, this would be the accelerator.

In the wild, an animal recovers quickly from being threatened. Once the threat is gone, they are back to doing whatever they were doing as though nothing happened.

How nice would that be if we could do the same? But nope! Rumination is a human thing and drives a steady, slow drip of stress hormones.

Slow, deep breaths to the rescue! It is amazing how our bodies literally provide us with a way to find peace. Slow, deep breaths activate the parasympathetic nervous system. That is the part of our nervous system responsible for rest and digestion, it is the brake.

I recommend doing 4x4 breathing simply because it is easy to remember. Inhale 4 counts, hold breath 4 counts, exhale 4 counts, hold breath 4 counts. Repeat 4 times. Easy sqeasy, right?

I recommend getting the Breathly app on your phone. It’s extremely simple to use and is free.

What Do I Do Next?

Dear One, the most important thing you can do for yourself at this time is to treat yourself with the utmost in kindness and compassion. I have found this to be the most effective tool for the maelstrom of emotions. You may feel shame and think you must somehow be responsible for driving your man into the arms of another woman. Nope, nope, nope! It is not your fault.

Acknowledge what’s happening. If you’re dealing with panic attacks (also a very common reaction), place a hand over your heart and with all the love and sensitivity you would use to calm a frightened child, tell yourself something along these lines, “I just experienced a life-altering betrayal. I am safe. The emotions are normal and healthy and I don’t need to suppress them. I am not in any danger.”

With the help of my therapist, I wrote my own personal declarations and posted them on stickies all over my house. I encourage you to do the same.

The things you don’t do right now are equally important. As in… don’t make any big decisions. If you’re in a sandstorm in a desert, the best thing to do is to stay put. You, Beloved, are in a doozy of a sandstorm. Decisions will come later.

I would also advise against confronting your partner too soon. Let the initial dust settle and for the immediate rage to soften enough that you are in control of it, not the other way around.

I know inside you are screaming for answers and details. I sure was, it’s entirely normal. And that is why I say it’s wise to hold off for a day or two or however many you need. I pushed too hard and fast for information, and it only amped up the overwhelm. Please, don’t do what I did.

Don’t worry about packing up your bags right now. Ditto for finding a divorce lawyer. (Remember, I’m talking about this from an infidelity context. If you are in a dangerous situation, this absolutely does not apply to you.)

Tiny Little Things to Do

Like any trauma survivor, getting through the days immediately following disclosure can feel surreal. While I had no suicidal ideation, I was certainly of the mindset that if I woke up dead the next morning, that would have been okay with me.

Dear One, release yourself from the pressure to fix everything all at once.

Right now, just focus on tiny things. I mean, really tiny things. Like drinking more water. Turning off your phone for an hour or more. Get out in nature. Go watch some birds. Buy yourself a new color of nail polish. Text a friend.

You get the idea.

What Comes Next?

Your road to recovery is going to be unique. It’s going to have twists and turns, hairpin corners, and steep hills, uphill in both directions. The scariest part? There are no maps. No easy one, two, three steps.

There will be plenty to do in the days ahead, which is why it is so important to keep guard rails around your mind. It’s hard to think clearly when the mind is catastrophizing or your thoughts turn to dark ruminations.

You will figure things out in due time. This is hard, hard stuff. But you know that already. Please remember, you are not alone, even if it doesn’t feel like that.

It is a universal truth that life is a series of birth and loss, death and renewal. The loss of trust can be just as devastating the death of a long one. But as truly as all things pass away, new life is every bursting forth.

After the obliteration of Pearl Harbor, The USS Arizona Memorial Pearl Harbor is now a memorial, paying homage to the hundreds entombed in its depths. It also has a slow oil leak that is expected to continue for 500 years. (?!) Some historians refer to this ecological disaster as “the black tears of the Arizona.”

Things will never go back to the way they were before the bombing. And nor will your life. The tears will probably flow for a longtime. But you will tap into a strength and resilience you never knew you had.

Next Week

What exactly counts as cheating and just how bad is it, anyway?

That’s what we’ll talk about next week. It’s time to assess the damages with a clear eye before making any decisions.

Until then, may you be filled with a supernatural peace when you are feeling overwhelmed. And may you know how deeply loved you are.

With fierce compassion and love,

Theresa

PS If you are so inclined, I invite you to share your story below in the comments. Healing takes place as we share our stories and heal together. ❤️

I am so happy you’re here. Lemme clear off this pile of music on the sofa and grab you a cuppa. (Even though I’ve been a professional organizer for many years, I STILL have my little clutter hot spots.)

I’ve introduced myself before but I’ll do it again since this is a fresh relaunch for me.

I’m Theresa, AKA, the Zany Sage. The whaty what? Yeah. The Zany Sage? Well, because I’m a little cray cray (that’s the “zany” part) but evidently, people tell me I seem to have some wisdom (that’s the “sage” part) so there’s that.

I’ve been a professional organizer for many years and while I suspected I had ADHD, I was gobsmacked when I was officially diagnosed with pretty severe ADHD in my late mid-fifties. And that’s when I started doing some massive dot connecting.

My obsession over with order and organization began at a very young age. I realize now that my brain was helping me quiet the tumult in my head. Even to this day, when I am overwhelmed with stress, cleaning out the junk drawer is a calming process for me. Yeah, I know. I’m sorta weird. But I warned you about that zany bit. 😉

But enough about me. Let’s talk about YOU!

I see you. You trying so hard! And I am familiar with the frustration of feeling like I’m a fuckup because I can get so overwhelmed that I go into shutdown mode. And then I compare myself to others who seem to hold down stable jobs, fold fitted sheets neatly and have a supernatural ability to do a project through to completion (gasp!).

I also see the clutter you’re constantly fighting. This I know deeply because probably 90% of clients I’ve served have been fellow ADHDers. And so I adopted different strategies when working for those clients.

A neurodivergent brain needs a different approach to decluttering. Starting with ditching expectations of a Pinterest photoshoot. This is about setting up your home in such a way so it works for you, not the other way around.

⛓️‍💥You’re Not Broken!

The struggles of having ADHD are real. But IMHO, I believe those struggles are more often than not trying to fit our square peg brains into societies’ round holes.

But I also know too well that the executive functioning part of our brain has to work twice as hard as neurotypicals in our western, modern world. We are told to follow the rules. Stand in line, pick up your pencils only when told, and color in the lines.

And oh, the go to school so you can get good grades and get a good job trope. Yeah, that doesn’t work so much anymore for anyone. But it has been especially hard for neurodivergent people.

These are differences, not a sign that you are broken. I also know that the more I learn about ADHD, particularly in women, the more grace and compassion I am learning to have toward myself because the differences are very real.

I’m gonna say again, for those in the back, you are not broken!

🎁What You Can Expect in This Series

You may be feeling some cautious optimism at this point. I get it. The last time you attempted to declutter, after reading Marie Kondo’s book, you ended up in a fugue state, sitting in the middle of the pile ‘o’ stuff you just dredged from the closet.

Nah. This isn’t a one and done process. Nor should it be catastrophic. Think of it as a slow and lazy river boat cruise. We’ll take our time, enjoy the journey, and hang out on the lido deck to swap “Top This!” stories of our most embarrassing clutter piles.

And above all, let’s just have some fun! Clearing clutter can be a fun, cathartic experience. The best part is when you realize how nice it is to walk into a room and not feel overwhelmed by clutter.

💪A Challenge for You

This week, I offer you a widdle, baby-sized challenge. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the 5-Minute ADHD Toss and Dash.

The goal? Complete a doable, no pressure micro-task to build momentum.

Pick a small flat surface that has been goading you. It could be that hot spot on the kitchen counter or on the nightstand.

Set your time for 5 minutes aaaaaaaand they’re off! The name of the game is to ONLY remove trash and obviously out-of-place stuff. That’s it!

No organizing, no sorting piles. Nada. When the timer dings, you are finished.

Congratulations! 🎊 How does that feel? (I’d say toss a little confetti but uh, probably not such a good idea.)

📅Next Week

We’re going to talk about The ADHD Clutter Cycle.

I’m going to talk about how executive dysfunction plays a role in this cycle and then discuss proven strategies to throw a wrench into the machinations and help you gain the upper hand.

A small ask of you: I would love to have a more creative, playful name for “The ADHD Clutter Cycle”. The Dopamine Dash? The Hyper Hurricane?

One thing I love the most about ADHDers is their creativity and ability to bring the fun wherever they go. So toss your ideas my way!

And finally. A little 🎶for you. I give you:

Yours in Conquering Clutter,

Theresa

If you’ve just discovered your partner’s infidelity, you’re probably feeling like the ground dropped out from under you. The grief, the rage, the shame, the numbness — it’s a storm no one prepares you for.

Or perhaps you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage and have been spinning your wheels for years, trying to figure out if you want to call it quits or not.

Stay or Go-Healing After Infidelity is the newsletter is for you.

While my focus is on older women affected by infidelity, the topics I will address will be helpful to anyone for anyone pondering the stay or go question.

The wisdom and clarity you are seeking is there for the taking. But how do you find it when you’re overwhelmed and stuck in a cycle of second guessing?

Over 10 weeks, we’ll gently untangle the mess together:

• What counts as betrayal (and who gets to decide)

• Why people cheat — and why it matters

• How to take care of yourself when your world tilts

• The signs of genuine remorse vs. manipulation

• Other important questions to consider

I’m also going to have other goodies as well:

• A downloadable decision matrix

• Resources that I found useful

• Ask Me Anything Posts

• Journal prompts

You are not alone. And I am so sorry for the pain and confusion you may feel right now. It is difficult, but speaking from experience, I know you will get through this. For right now, you just have to take care of you.

Let’s start there.

With love and fierce compassion,

Theresa

The days of making money for a newspaper or magazine are over! Now I write as a labor of love but that doesn’t stop the expenses from rolling in. ;) I am deeply grateful for any subscription amount you may choose. And if you can’t, I am still delighted you are here!

Has it just been me or has life been off the hook nuts lately? Oh, wait, I know it’s not just me. Things have been nuts.

This is part of the reason behind my hiatus. With all that is happening in the country, I’ve been writing more about political things. But it’s time to focus back on my passion project, helping ADHDers declutter.

Regardless of what’s happening politically, clutter will still be here. As I get older, I realize there are far more things beyond my control than those that I can control. Like my attitude. Or to choose to embrace love over fear. Or… feel a sense of peace when I walk into my home at the end of a hard day’s work, because I’ve chosen to create a peaceful and clutter-free environment.

It sounds so simple and in some ways; it is. But it isn’t. Especially for us ADHDers. Just thinking about decluttering can trigger overwhelm so you’re stopped before you even start.

That’s why I created a new Substack series just for us: Decluttering ADHD.

Each Tuesday, I’ll share practical tips, gentle humor, and mindset shifts to help you clear the clutter — in your home, your schedule, and your mind. No perfectionism, no Pinterest-ready closets required.

📦 Here’s what’s coming:

• Why clutter feels so personal (especially for ADHDers)

• How to start when you don’t know where to start

• What to do with the weird, sentimental, and guilt-ridden stuff

• And how decluttering can become an act of rebellion and self-care

And other little goodies too:

• ADHD Clutter Confession of the Month (Reader-submitted story)

• A Q&A or Ask-Me-Anything post

• Downloadable Templates

• A playlist for decluttering

If you’re ready to claim a little peace in your space and your head, I’d love for you to join me. This is YOUR time! See you on Tuesday.

We’re in this together!💕

I send you love and good decluttering juju,

Theresa

The Zany Sage-in-Residence

It feels like we are walking through a waking nightmare as we watch the dismantling of democracy and the rise of authoritarianism.

Trump regime #2 is worse than his practice run. So much worse. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was living in Soviet era Russia. The disappearance of people with no due process. The destruction of social institutions that millions depend on. And so much more.

As a writer, I have had trouble reengaging in writing because the anxiety and grief have been so great; it consumes my emotional bandwidth. (I can almost hear the cackles of MAGA adherents scoffing at my confession.)

But then I realize, THIS reaction is exactly what they need. Continue with the carpet-bombing attack daily as to keep people off-centered and fearful. Shut down and give into hopelessness. Drain us of all emotional energy and watch us lapse into inactivity while they loot the coffers and mock the rule of law.

Action is the antidote to despair, folk singer and activist Joan Baez wisely once said.

But then I wonder, WHAT action? As I sat with this question, this is what I came up with.

Preserve Your Sanity at All Costs by Limiting Media

A triggered and frightened person is exactly what they want. When we are operating from the fear center in our brains, we limit our ability to take action by overriding the parts of our brain responsible for executive functioning.

Limit your exposure to media. Headlines grab your attention and the temptation to get sucked into them is bigly. This is by design.

Anymore, I try to be as minimally informed as possible. Yes, I need to be aware, but I must refuse to marinate in this shit 24/7. Like that would change anything, right? Monitoring headlines throughout the day only increases my stress level and sense of helplessness.

Fuming over events is no different that stepping outside and shaking my fist at the skies because I want different weather. I could stand outside all day and scream for snow, get enraged that it’s not snowing, and then toss and turn all night with anxiety because the forecast offers no promise of the floofy white stuff. (Those who know me understand how absurd this example is to this snow-adverse Arizonian.)

It does no good. Nor does feeding the addiction to rage-inducing articles. Understand the futility of misguided anger and try as best you can to avoid it. (It is a daily challenge for this girl.) And speaking of futility…

This also goes for trying to reform MAGA loyalists, my friends. Be kind, but keep conversations away from politics. Share your own stories if there is an opening, but refrain from trying to enlighten one on their error of their way. It will only stir up more anger… for both parties.

Pick a few trusted news sources and stick to those. For me, I follow Heather Cox Richardson, The Guardian and Robert Reich. There are others, but these are my daily go-tos.

Take Action That You’re Able to Take

So many of us are already overwhelmed… how the hell do we garner the energy to take action? Here are some basic things that should only take a few minutes each day.

VOTE. I know it’s easy to think your vote won’t matter; I have struggled with that too. But please. Register to vote and encourage everyone in your sphere of influence to do the same.

Contrary to Trump’s lie that he won by a landslide, it was a razor’s edge, a measly 1.6% margin of the popular vote. If the “Did Not Vote” crowd (that’s nearly 86 MILLION people!) had voted, their numbers would have far surpassed both Trump and Harris.

Raise your voice on social media. Repost the articles (and please make sure you have citations for reputable sources to ensure not spreading disinformation.) Memes can catch you off guard because so many are designed to trigger outrage, so be sure to fact check that zinger before you hit share.

I have no illusions that I am going to persuade anyone from their tightly held beliefs by posting what I do on Facebook and other social media. But I share to show solidarity with other like-minded/hearted people.

Download the 5Calls app on your phone and make a fuss. My goal has been to call daily, but I will admit, I fall short of this frequently. The app makes calls easy sqeasy. We must keep up the pressure.

Attend hometown meetings, rallies and protests. Starting with the Hands Off event that will take place across the country on April 5. My sweetie and I will be at the one in Phoenix. Check out their website and find one to attend.

Connect with others in your community who are working with the marginalized and those whose very lives are being threatened by ICE and other gestapo-like policies.

Be aware of those in your world who are especially scared (and for good reason) and let them see your solidarity. As a woman, I feel especially vulnerable as I see women’s rights getting rolled away. I can’t imagine being a woman of color or gay. Or to be an anchor baby who lives in fear of being arrested and deported with no due process.

Go Make Art

And then make more art. Then go share it. When there is great suffering, beauty and art are healing balms. And it is also a damn good form of resistance. But don’t worry if you’re no Woody Guthrie, because each and everyone one of us is wired for art.

First, art is good for your soul. It taps into your creativity and gives your overstressed thinking mind a break. This is why I started learning stained glass and quilting.

Art isn’t just crafts, music or dance. You may be known for being an empathetic and caring listener. This is art too. Do you enjoy gardening? Samesies.

Whatever it is you enjoy doing, that you lose track of time doing, do more of that. And to increase the power of your resistance through creativity, share your art with your community.

I especially love watching Reels on Facebook that make me laugh or inspire me. This would not happen if these content creators didn’t post their stuff.

Is your art making sourdough bread? Excellent! Go bring a loaf to the immigrant family down the street.

Do you grow prize-winning cucumbers? Share this art form with others by teaching them to grow their own prize-winning veggies. This not only fosters community, it offers an important self-reliance skill while grocery prices continue to skyrocket.

By sharing your art, you are not only expressing yourself (a hella good alternative to depressing yourself) you are also building community based on common interests and service for others.

A community standing in solidarity is an oligarch’s worst nightmare. And it is one of our best tools for resisting the unfolding evil.

We Must Not Lose Hope

One reason I love following Heather Cox Richardson is the historical perspective she brings to her analysis of daily events. While she is gravely concerned about current affairs, she also reminds us that evildoers do not last forever and goodness will eventually prevail. Of course, this isn’t comforting if your partner has died from sepsis because of the illegality of a D&C, Medicaid is your only insurance for cancer treatment, or your friend was just snatched off the street by masked men.

When the overwhelm is too overwhelming, I encourage you to silence the electronics and go for a walk. Bake some cookies and damn the calorie- enjoy those cookies with gusto. Read a book… the kind with real pages. Bonus points for sharing these activities with a friend.

Hope is still here. It hasn’t gone away even though the light seems to flicker and at times, seems to hide completely. And it is ever waiting for us to harness its power.

Let’s hope together for a better world and then take the action to make it happen. It is within our power.

And from the bottom of my heart, I send you love.

On the other hand, I realize I’ve had a good run of writing and posting consistently for the past few years. I am grateful for that… especially grateful for a growing readership.

Which is why it’s scary to say, I’m taking a break for a few months. I am NOT calling it quits! I realize I could lose the momentum I’ve been building but I guess this is where I am reminded to trust the leading of my heart. Not to mention to pay heed to the stress response signals from my physical body.

I’ve had a lot going on in my world and since the whole cancer treatment a few years ago, I am more aware than ever of my limited energy supply. Make that my energy supply as a 60-year-old cancer survivor.

But yet inside, that ADHD motor is still revving its engines. It’s sort of like how you still feel you’re in your 20s inside… until you get up from your chair. <smile>

So, I’m stepping back. Part of this is so I can focus on my book as well. I’m finding that if I am posting regularly, the book progress halts. And I’m also working on soothing the ADHD driven hair’s-on-fire that keeps me a DEFCON1 most of the time. (That’s highest level of “guns are loaded” vigilance.)

Additionally, I’m feeling the need to dig into music more as well as explore some other creative outlets… like this stained glass class I joined. I think it’s all about getting out of my head and allowing my heart and creativity to be honored more.

I suspect when I return, my cup will be full and I’ll be ready to move on with building my little community here on Substack.

I do hope you’ll check back sometime in March! And in the meanwhile, we’re are in for a rocky ride these next four years so be sure to take extra good care of yourself. And make some art.

In the meanwhile, I wish for you to know more and more with each passing day, you are loved.

And I love you too. Grace and peace to you.

I can probably go back to my third-grade report card. The teacher wrote, “Theresa has a hard time taking anything seriously.” It’s true. Being the class clown was way more fun but despite this, I got reasonably educated along the way.

Through the years, humor was a helpful tool for navigating through my traumatic background. And the gift for getting through those times? Wisdom. Which brings me to how often friends and clients have described me as “funny and wise.” And the Zany Sage was born.

I like to think of her as my alter-ego. Powered by ADHD and Trader Joe’s dark roast, she cusses a little too much, still giggles when someone breaks wind, and sees through a lot of BS. (She holds a concealed carry permit for her bullshit meter.)

We have a lot of fun together but I must keep her under control as she’s convinced she could fix all the world’s problems if people would just hush their butts and do as she says.

Now, who’s this Theresa?

I’m a former professional organizer, certified life coach and a Benedictine spiritual director. I’m also an author, an ADHDer, breast cancer survivor (and proud “Flattie”), and a resilient badass (even if I still whimper some days) who has endured infidelity and divorce after a 32-year marriage.

I am passionate about using my experience to encourage and empower women to clear clutter and gain clarity-without setting your cluttered home ablaze or go Lorena Bobbit on your husband.

Here’s what I got for you:

✨ Decluttering ADHD – For those ready to reclaim their space (and sanity). We explore practical strategies for organizing your home, life, and mind – especially for the ADHD brain.

💔 Stay or Go – When love gets messy, this is the place to untangle it. We dive deep into the crossroads of infidelity, forgiveness, and the big question – should you stay or go?

Whether you're sorting through cluttered closets or a cluttered heart, The Zany Sage is here to guide you with compassion, wisdom, and a bit of fun.

👉 Join the journey – and let’s clear the path together and find clarity moving forward.

You’ll see plenty of content in the days ahead on topics related to gray divorce, infidelity, and forgiveness. And if you’re going through this dreadful process, I hope you’ll be part of the conversation!

See you fine folks next year!

Well, fear not. Here are some tools that may help you plan not only for next Christmas, but for all the other days in the year too. These are some tools that I use to help me with organization and productivity, AKA squirrel management. Perhaps I can even pull off those gifts-from-the-heart for next year.

1. Tools for Squirrel Management

• Basic Timers: I use this cube timer to help me focus on smaller tasks. Yeah, yeah, I know. I could use the timer on my phone, but chances of something shiny catching me are too great. This puppy you just flip over and the countdown begins.

• Planner: Picking a new planner for next year is always one highlight of the year-end for me. Even though I use Google calendar, there is no substitute for my paper planner. Besides its use for planning, it is also handy for capturing random thoughts or reminders. This is the one I got for next year. I used to get planners with habit trackers, vision boards, and whatnot, but find that simplicity serves me better. I can get so busy designing a vision board that I distract myself from actually taking the steps to make the vision happen. So yeah. Simplicity for this girl.

• Dry-Erase Boards: Ooooooh! I love dry erase boards. Limited wall space? Try this stick-anywhere solution. I use sticky notes on these as well for reminders or for daily agendas. Then I get the little dopamine thrill anytime I complete the task and get to toss the sticky. I tried using the sticky notes with a white board calendar but found that felt overwhelming, so I stick with…yeah; you got it… simplicity. Less is more, baby.

• Noise-Canceling Headphones: O.M.G. I received this as a gift last year and lemme tell you, best gift ever. When the squirrels are extra busy in my brain, my threshold for auditory overload becomes intolerable. The hum of the fridge, the leaf blower across the street, and my god, that potato chip muncher in the coffee shop. I. just.can’t.think. Welcome to Theresa’s auditory hell. I swear these sounds literally crawl into my brain and derail every good intention I had to get a project done. Yes, these are a high-ticket item, but these headphones are a big stfu to distractions and worth every penny. And when coupled with my next suggestion, you will become an undistracted force to be reckoned with.

• Nitrofocus: Nope, this isn’t a type of coffee. From their website: “Nitrofocus is a brainwave MP3 program. It uses special sounds to increase your brain's focus levels, helping you become ultra-productive in just minutes.” A fellow ADHDer friend, who is also a therapist, highly recommended this to me, and I am so glad she did. This really and truly works!

Finally, dear readers, I want to remind you of the most important gift you can bring to the festivities.

You.

When the struggles of ADHD often leave you feeling a day late and a dollar short (especially during the holidays!), it’s easy to forget the tremendous gifting that lies underneath the wrapping.

There are many aspects I could highlight, but in the interest of brevity, I will point out only one of the best things I see in my neurodivergent companions.

You live your life in living color.

There’s no gray twilight in your world. You live full on, whole-hearted, with sprinkles of fun on top.

You color outside the lines brilliantly and challenge the status quo that limits human potential. You bring more than a hot dish to potlucks–you bring the joy. You bring the energy.

Your life is a mosaic of beautiful qualities and goodness never before seen nor ever to be repeated. This imagery came to me when my spiritual director had me draw a picture representative of my life after going infidelity, divorce and then breast cancer a few short years ago.

I am no artist but what I drew was heart, with lines running through it to show all the shatters. But I wasn’t done yet. There was more to this picture than brokenness. My childish sketch needed color. The idea coalesced more. This was a stained glass heart.

I cried as I filled in the colors because I could see how, as Leonard Cohen put it, there is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.

After I finished the exercise and wiped a few tears, one of my resident squirrels whispered an idea, why not see if an artist has created something similar? Clever squirrel, what a great idea!

I was stunned. It was *my* drawing! Well, not really, but pretty darn close. Leave it to an artist to express beyond the power of words. Here’s a link for my final gift idea.

May your holidays be filled with plenty of love, light, and laughter. And may you remember that truly the best gift you can bring is your presence.

PS I will not be taking a break next week so I will see you over in the New Year for more clutter busting and organization, ADHD style!

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

The tradition has been modernized and morphed into post-Christmas sales (like we need any more stuff!) and what I like to focus on, post-Christmas cleanup and giving back to your community.

Boxing Day is an excellent way to declutter while blessing others with your donations. I love how this aligns so well with the challenges of and strengths of ADHD as well because it is a short, concise goal with plenty of feel-good hormones still lingering from Christmas (hopefully!).

Boxing Day and Decluttering are Like Peanut Butter and Jelly

A match made in organizer heaven. They just go together and deliver more feel goods.

If you are already practicing the One-In-One-Out rule, you are already a pro at this. Got a new shirt? Purge the tired one you’ve been hanging on to (but still don’t wear.)

It’s also a great time to capitalize on the holiday excitement. Riding the wave makes it easier to part with items that no longer “spark joy” as Marie Kondo puts it.

Bonus! You will not find a quicker weight loss plan. Oh wait, I’m not talking about removing the consequences of a month of making merry so your jeans fit better. Nah. But you can tell your friends at work later how you lost 100 pounds in a day.

Quick and Not-So-Dirty Declutter Project

The key to keeping the fun in this activity is to keep it small and focused. I understand as an ADHDer, it’s easy to catch a wind in your sails and start stirring up other organizing projects. For example, you start on thinning out the kids’ toys, but now you’re neck deep in the garage and feeling completely overwhelmed.

Put your blinders on and pick one category or space. A toy box, clothing closet, laundry area. Note I’m not saying a room. Remember the purpose of this fun with the ultimate goal of blessing others.

I don’t recommend my usual four-box method either. Keep-but move to a better space, trash (“Go See Jesus Box”, in Theresa parlance), “think-about” (Pooh Bear Box), and the donate box, which for today, will be The Blessing Box.

And that is the one box you will fill today-The Blessing Box. You are focusing on things to donate. Doesn’t that sound easier?

If you get inspired while you’re filling it, sure, feel free to purge or organize other things but not at the expense of causing overwhelm. If it’s helpful, jot down ideas and action plans for later.

You may find it helpful to use another one of my favorite organizing tools-a timer. But this is streamlined declutter so keep time lengths short and sweet. Especially if the kids are in on it. Make it a game! How many things can you find for the Blessing Box in five minutes?

A Word of Caution

Because these items are destined for a thrift shop or agencies that provide items for family at no cost, make certain your items are lightly used and clean. There is a shockingly small amount of thrift store donations that will actually end up on the sales floor-only about 20% or so. The rest will end up going abroad or to the landfill.

I was surprised at this but then again, when I look at some of the crap, and yes, I mean CRAP people drop off, I shake my head. Crusty waffle irons, lidless Tupperware, clothes in need of mending, etc, you get the idea. This includes things like “It’s just so nice it only needs a new cord, or buttons, or…” Nah. Part with it. Or give it directly to someone who would happily use it and have the skills to make the minor repairs.

It is More Blessed to Give Than to Receive

Blessing Box filled, pause and enjoy the warm fuzzies. If you wish to take things a step further, deliver your box of goodies to the charity. Just a slight aside, we learned of a small boutique hotel that was upgrading their pillows and offering pillows to their employees. There was still a massive amount of pillows left over, several huge boxes worth. And they were destined for the dumpster.

We contacted a local homeless shelter, thinking it was a long shot given hygiene concerns with used pillows. But these were in clean and in great condition.

They were thrilled and gratefully accepted every one. It felt like Christmas (or should I say Boxing Day?) in July.

Also, it can be more fun and meaningful to pick a charity that is dear to your heart. Having had a brother who lived on the streets for several years, I lean toward homeless shelters. Have an autistic child? See if a daycare that focuses on special needs’ kids can use toys. Or perhaps you wish to see if the nursing home that took care of your mom in her final years would appreciate the quilts you no longer use. For these niche agencies, you may enjoy including a plate of baked goods or a pot of Turkey Noodle Soup. Let your creativity and joy be your guide.

Thrift stores aren’t the only options for donations. Community pages on Facebook are a great place to connect with these smaller agencies. Or you can use the “Buy Nothing” group for your city and gift your items to a family in need.

How About You?

I hope I’ve motivated you to implement Boxing Day as a new holiday tradition. It truly kills two birds with one stone: a little decluttering and a lot of goodwill for others. The success you’ve had may even encourage you to tackle the bigger organizing projects you’ve been putting off. Big successes build on small successes.

The benefits you reap are many. Besides a more organized space, you’ve blessed others through your generosity. What a great way to wind down the year. And bonus! Your new year will start less cluttered.

This Boxing Day, let’s make space for what truly matters by giving from the heart and clearing our homes for a brighter, less-cluttered new year!

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

No, clutter goes much deeper than the stuff. I view clutter as multi-sensory and classify it into three categories: home, head, and heart. Here are the thumbnail descriptions of the types, how they show up in your home, and how to banish those clutter demons to the outer darkness (or to your annoying family member, your choice!):

Home-This refers to the stuff. There’s too much of it and too little time to stay on top of it. It causes a slow drip of cortisol and can paralyze the best of intentions. What makes this even worse is the fact that you already know how to do it… you just can’t summon the will to do so. And then you feel like coal in a Christmas stocking.

Stress Triggers:

Waking up the decorations from their off-season slumber can feel like a tidal wave of disorganization, especially if your tinsel is in a tangle and the lights are a gaggle of knots.

And then there is the flood of stuff, from small to large. The Dollar Store platter bearing cookies that you just can’t bear to toss because it’s in perfectly good condition. Or the new big-ticket item to replace the last one… only you can’t bear to part with the last one, just in case.

Suggestions:

Declutter before the holidays, you know the drill! And when you’re digging through the box of decorations, don’t be afraid to give the heave-ho to items you’ve not used for the past few years.

Remember the “One In, One Out” Rule. Yes, I know your Instapot still works even though one foot broke off and you must shore it up anytime you use it. But if you’re replacing it with the screamin’ Black Friday deal new Instapot, take a deep breath and part with the old. Ditto for smaller items like clothing or miscellaneous household doo-dads.

Create a command center for gift wrapping and decoration unpacking. Think, a guest room for your seasonal overflow. This will help keep the rest of your home tidy.

Remember, it’s time to deck the halls, not your stress levels.

Head-Hello, busy squirrels in my ADHD brain. But this also refers to a calendar void of any white space, every hour of every day, packed. This also refers to the overly ambitious list of projects and goals.

Stress Triggers:

A calendar that’s too full of making merry does not a bring merriment, it brings stress. Prioritize the activities and practice flexing your NO muscle. If the neighborhood cookie exchange has become an obligation that causes you to sigh when you see the date approaching, I promise you, it’s okay to bow out. Besides, you didn’t even like half the cookies you’d receive!

Overcommitment is like the frenzy of a cat taking down the tree. It was fun for a short bit (at least for the cat), but now there’s new chaos to tame.

I realize this can be especially challenging with kid activities. For many years, I thought of the holidays as “Nutcracker season” since my daughter was in ballet. Kids’ activities were always the priority, which made it easy to turn down an office party that I didn’t want to attend anyway.

Suggestions:

Create a visual calendar, whatever works for you. I’ve used Google Calendar with designated colors. Keep this simple too. A simple red, yellow, green approach can help you decide which activities are priority. Or use colors for each person. And remember, white is a color too. Be sure there is enough of it between activities.

I also love using sticky notes on a paper or whiteboard calendar, too. If I feel an anxiety attack coming on when I stand back and look at it, it may be time to reevaluate the list of activities. Ask yourself, “Will this bring me joy or overwhelm?”

Finally, use sticky notes or the alarm on your phone to help you manage time.

Heart-This is “emotional” clutter. The soul sucking job. The toxic relationships in need of either severance or razor wire boundaries. Or the intolerable situations that you continue to tolerate (we women are especially good at this!).

Stressors:

Ooooooh, the holidays amp this up bigly when tense family dynamics are as predictable as Aunt Martha’s lumpy gravy. Because ADHD brains are more sensitive to heightened emotions, this can fertilizer to anxiety.

I’ve known more than one woman who has years of built up resentment for being the de facto Christmas dinner host. But hey! They have the big dinner table and china right? Should be a no-brainer! Which leads me to…

Suggestions:

Boundaries, baby, boundaries. If you’ve decided ten years of ho-ho-hosting the family dinner is enough, it’s time to say NO. Who knows? You may even start a new tradition that is less stress, more fun.

There have been a few years, especially after the kids were leaving the nest, that I let Cracker Barrel do the cooking. It was wonderful.

Conversation getting tense around the table? Treat the bloviating uncle like a god-awful Jell-O salad from the fifties. You can acknowledge it, but you don’t need to partake. Gee, the tuna and shredded cabbage in that cherry Jell-O looks intriguing, but I’m going to pass. (What the hell were they smoking when some of those culinary abominations were created?)

They don’t take the hint? Fling a glob of mashed taters their way. Just kidding. But do that only in your imagination. It may just ratchet down the annoyance factor.

Meanwhile, focus on conversation with those who don’t drain your energy. Or busy yourself by puttering in the kitchen.

I also use positive self-talk to remind myself, I can’t change them, but I can change my response. This is just a few hours once a year, I can handle it. I remind myself of my fortitude when I recall how I successfully tackled more than one Blue Light Special back in the days of K-Mart. (For those of you too young to remember those, I am sorry. They were great fun. Think bargain hunting with Hulk Hogan.)

Finally!

The holidays and clutter can go together like Santa’s milk and cookies. It can turn a holly, jolly Christmas into a Silent Night of despair. But by recognizing these three categories of clutter, it can help you simplify the season and make the Yule log burn brighter. Well, maybe not so much on the log, but you get my drift.

Clearing the clutter allows space for what really matters: celebrating life and our loved ones with peace and joy.

Now, THAT sounds like a Merry Christmas!

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

But if we look again at those things that we may not necessarily be grateful for at first glance, we will find silver linings. So, on this day-before-Thanksgiving, I give you 10 reasons to embrace and be grateful for the chaos of ADHD and clutter. Let’s go!

Here are 10 reasons to be grateful for ADHD and clutter, reframing them as opportunities for growth, creativity, and connection:

· Creative Thinking: Does your brain go to cartoon-land sometimes or is it just me? If you ever see me giggling to myself in the checkout lane, this ability to amuse myself helps the longest line seem shorter.

· Opportunities for Reflection: Clutter can help you reflect on powerful questions such as, “What the hell was I thinking when I bought that?” to “So, THAT’S where that went!”

· Hyperfocus Superpower: No rabbit hole is too deep! This comes with the added bonus of the ability to tune out annoying people.

· Hidden Gems: You may just find that missing Darn Tough Sock that you paid $18 on last year’s Black Friday deals.

· Energy and Enthusiasm: We are the ones wearing the tee-shirt that says, “I’m here, let’s start the party!” Well, unless you’re an introvert and prefer to direct your energy on that stack of books on your nightstand. It’s all good!

· Chance to Declutter: You may discover your very own little black hole and discover new universes along the way!

· Empathy and Intuition: We understand challenges in ways non-ADHD will never grasp. This is a helpful tool in preventing the occasional urge to slap annoying people.

· Inspiration for Change: Clutter can help you realize your dreams of running away from it all and establishing a new identity via your very own Witness Protection Program.

· Resilience: This quality is so underrated! Especially when you need to dig deep to have the strength to down that extra slice of pumpkin pie. (Remember to wear your eatin’ pants!)

· A Chance to Help Others: Go ahead! Dump all your stuff on an organized friend or relative to deepen their understanding of your struggles. Think of their reactions! (And be sure to post pics on Facebook.)

Okay, silliness aside, I am truly grateful for YOU, dear reader. And I wish for you peace and joy as we enter the holiday season.

Now go enjoy that extra serving!

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

This is why I love the One-Hour-Method for organizing your home or business. And besides, wouldn’t you rather be doing other on the weekend instead of tackling a massive organizing project? So, let’s go! 

First, take a valium. No! Just kidding. What you need is a timer. I recommend you do NOT use the timer on your smart phone but rather an old-fashioned egg timer or this little gem on Amazon. The simplicity of the timer will prevent you from getting distracted with your phone. Just flip time over and away you go!

Next, chose your target area. This is not the time for “go big or go home.” Rather, go small. Start with a drawer or a shelf. This may be a challenge for you like it is for me, because it is easy for me to start doing the human Roomba, bouncing about from one area to another.

Put your blinders on and remind yourself that the other areas have their time coming. By focusing your attention on one small area, you are seeing the fruits of your labor. From there, you can build on your success. Just remember: keep it small and keep your focus.

Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. What to do with the stuff? I use a four-box method. They are:

Keepers/Rehome: Non-negotiable items. You either use or truly love. These items will remain. BUT! They may need a better home. And instead of running around with each of those items, I recommend placing those items in the box and in the last minutes of your session, then put those items where they belong.

Donate: Items are still usable but no longer needed.

Think About It: I call this the “Pooh Bear” box. This can be a little tricky for some people as everything can become a think about it. These are items you’re uncertain if you should hang on to or not. But because time is of the essence with a one-hour session, you don’t want to get mired into debate over if you really need that new, but redundant thing-a-ma-bobber. Spare yourself the torture of our honey-loving buddy, set item in a box for another time. Label this box with a date for a decision. Nor is this a box to bring to a storage unit. This is not a box for perpetuity! 

Trash: In Theresa parlance, this is the “Go See Jesus” box. The item has served its purpose and is now ready to go on to its reward in the great beyond. Feel free to refer to it with the deity of your choice.

Be sure that at the end of your session, these items are taken out to the dumpster to prevent the urge to rescue item for whatever reason. 

When doing the One-Hour-Method, remember this is not about perfection, it is about speed. The aim is progress. Race the clock, if you will, to keep from getting bogged down by overthinking and decision fatigue.

Finally, I’ve already alluded to this, use the last moments of your session to place things where they belong. The keeper items to their new home. Donation items boxed up. You may keep this box in the garage until it is full enough to warrant a trip to your favorite thrift store. The Think About Box gets dated and set aside. Trash goes into the dumpster.

Consistency is the key to success. Set a realistic goal as your schedule allows. Remember, the clutter accumulated one item at a time and you will declutter it one item at a time. And if one hour is too overwhelming, start with 15 minutes. You are the expert on knowing what works for you.

I love reducing the tasks into smaller time chunks because it minimizes overwhelm and can be done even if you have a busy schedule. One day you will look around your tidy home and realize, WOW! I made this happen with baby steps.

Decluttering doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing affair. The One-Hour-Method is all about taking baby steps and discovering how you, too, can conquer clutter and turn your home into a peaceful haven.

What about you, dear readers? I would love to hear about your successes and/or challenges in decluttering your home or business! Drop a comment below.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

Clutter is so much more than a jumbled closet or the junk drawer you can’t open (find a new home for that potato masher!). There are the physical items, but clutter also includes many types of emotional clutter right on over to overloaded calendars and unrealistic to-do lists.

Now, I admit, as observed by one of my organizing clients, I get a little dopamine hit whenever we would throw out something. It’s true. I would even squeal to my clients, “Another organizing angel just got her wings!”

While clearing away unnecessary belongings can bring peace, it’s just as important to hold on to the things that truly enrich and define our lives. This article will highlight eleven things we should never “unclutter”—from meaningful relationships to core values and well, read on, and in no particular order…

The Non-Stuff Stuff to Keep

1. A sense of humor. Laughter provides blessed release to Clenched Butt Syndrome (CBS). Because of the healthful, feel-good hormones released when we have a good belly laugh, laughter really is the best medicine. I can’t think of a better way to deal with the absurdities of life. Try looking on YouTube for something that tickles your funny bone.

2. Time to recharge. Most of us maintain calendars that could keep 3 people busy. We are on 24/7 and this is simply not sustainable. Unless, of course, you have time to have a nervous breakdown. So please, schedule regular time for yourself to recharge. Wander down a trail. Or get lost in the stacks at the library. Linger over a cup of coffee with a friend. Do whatever nourishes your spirit.

3. A larger perspective. At the time of this writing, we are one-week post-election. And holy smokes! It is time to pull back the lens and catcher a broader view of things beyond your immediate purvey. We tend to get myopic and overly focused on ourselves and our problems. Look, I know it’s shocking and I hate to be the bearer of such tidings, but-there are other ways of looking at things! Hold your opinions with open hands. It’ll make you a more fun dinner guest too. And this doesn’t mean having to agree with someone else’s views. But if we can learn to listen to one another better, it can only enrich everyone. Be curious, not judgmental.

4. Lip balm. Uh, well, maybe this isn’t on your list, but this is pretty darn important stuff. And yeah, I know it’s not a character quality, but I once found myself at work without a lip balm and, oh, I shudder recalling. Now I have these puppies sprinkled everywhere. Except not in the car in summer. Especially in Arizona. (Ask me why I know this is not a good idea.)

5. Gratitude. There is always, always, always, something for which you can be grateful. This, too, is good medicine. Can you draw in a breath? Have food to eat? A roof over your head to protect you from the elements? Right now, there are a shit ton of people who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Not trying to be trite here. But it’s true.  

6. Time with your loved ones. None of us are guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. I pray it doesn’t take a serious health scare to remind you of this. Or worse, a funeral. When I was going through breast cancer treatment, I remember thinking about how nothing mattered as much being with my loved ones. Make this a priority and schedule time with your favorite people. Not to be morbid, but we never know when a goodbye might be the last goodbye.

7. Hope. Back to post-election time. Half the country is rejoicing, the other half has been grieving. And I will admit I am in the grieving camp. Not only that, I know of so many who are facing difficulties of grand scale right now. Some of my favorite lines in the Bible are, “And it came to pass…” Now, more than even, we must grab hold of hope. Please remember that whatever you’re dealing with currently, “now” doesn’t mean forever. Music helps me reconnect with hope when I lose my way. Or call an encouraging friend to cheer you on.

8. Time for exercise. Even if it’s just a walk around the block. Our bodies need to MOVE. Exercise has so many positive benefits, both physically and mentally. I have a power playlist of songs that I listen to when I exercise and when I finish, I feel like I can conquer the world. Did you know that in studies, regular exercise is shown to be as good or even more effective than prescription medication in reducing symptoms of depression? You are also investing in your health, something your aging body will appreciate.

9. Creativity. Have fun! Fingerpaint. Bake a new recipe. Read a book on a topic you know nothing about. Take an adult ed class on something that stirs curiosity. Don’t be surprised if you get a flash of insight into other matters while you’re busy firing up a different part of your brain. The need for creativity often gets overlooked because we underestimate the value it can bring to our lives. It can provide us with a fresh perspective and the ability to see new connections.

10. Love. What the world needs now… remember the song? It’s true. At our core, we humans are love. We forget who we are and lose our way as we get so battered by daily life. It is the only answer for healing a dog-eat-dog paradigm. Allowing that love to flow for self and out to others will bring the healing that is so desperately needed.

11. A F*ck-It List. This one was an impulsive last-minute addition and boy, is it a biggie! We’re talking NO MORE! No more dinner dates with the gossipy neighbor. No more trying to live up to someone else’s standards. And not that you won’t slip up occasionally, but identifying those things is the first step. Some things on my list include complaining about shit I have no control over (like the weather), spending time with toxic people, or being self-critical. (That last one is definitely a work in progress!)

Conclusion-What Matters Most

Decluttering is about more than getting rid of things. It’s about making space for the things that are important to you. Including the qualities I’ve mentioned above.

Please keep in mind, however, that one day, every single thing that is being produced will end up in a landfill one day. And this includes all the items in your home.

But a life well-lived and well-loved? That’s an eternal legacy.

What about you? What non-stuff stuff is important to you?  

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

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Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

I started working as an organizer before there was such a thing as professional organizers. I didn’t know it at the time, but as I was developing my organizing and decluttering chops, there was a whole new industry unfolding in response to the growing consumerism of the 1980s.

A strong economy and the rise of dual-income households meant more purchasing power. More income, more stuff. More stuff, bigger homes.

And more stuff begets less time to deal with it.

In 1983, the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) codified standards and helped turn organizing into a profession.

The rest, as they say, is history. From Marie Kondo books to television shows like Hoarders and Clean Sweep have given the profession more visibility. Additionally, it has increased the credibility of this important work when you see how transformative it can be.

I am grateful for all the groundbreaking work by those in the industry. While organizing principles might be the same, each organizer brings their own special blend of creativity and wisdom for their clients or audience. This is especially important because there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to decluttering and organizing.

Marie Kondo’s KonMari method may work well for one person, while others find success following the Home Edit approach. Peter Walsh connects outer clutter to inner emotional clutter. While the Minimalist believe that you just need to throw out everything. (Just kidding! I adore Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus.)

But what about if you have ADHD? I’m so glad you asked.

While most people can grab some tidbits and takeaways from any approach, I believe we ADHD’ers need a different modality because we have unique challenges.

The Unique Challenges of Organizing For ADHD’ers

Since my diagnosis of ADHD just a few short years ago, my eyes have been opened to just challenging life can be compared to someone undistracted by a thousand squirrels swinging on trapezes in their skull.

I understand now that the level of overwhelm I’ve lived with most of my life isn’t because I’m a super-charged person. No, it’s because super-charge comes as a standard side dish with every entrée of ADHD. And it is absolutely exhausting on most days. (I used to joke I felt like a Ferrari engine inside a VW Bug.) And while employers love “high energy” people because they can get so much done, the ADHD’ers pay a premium price for it. (Medication has been an enormous help for me and I marvel at how I’ve lived all my life without it.)

The constellation of challenges can be daunting!

While I don’t struggle with time blindness or clutter, I believe this is only because I developed strategies from a young age. Intuitively, I knew I needed a peaceful outer environment to keep from being overwhelmed by the mental squirrel gymnastics.

Can you relate to any of the following challenges?

Time Blindness-This is the difficulty in perceiving time accurately, which in turns makes it hard to prioritize tasks according to the time commitment needed. Because of this, even the simplest of organizing tasks gets postponed.

It goes with both overestimating and underestimating time. Because of this, I encourage people to use a timer to give sight to the (time) blind. You may not feel you have time to do a quick tidy in the bathroom after your shower, but after using the timer, you understand it literally takes seconds to hang up your towel and wipe off the counter.

At the other end of the spectrum is the tendency to overestimate time required to, say, clean out the garage. Then it doesn’t happen because you may think you’re looking at 40 hours of labor when, in reality, it will take half that amount. (Pssst, this is where a professional organizer can give you a more accurate estimation.) Again, a timer can be very helpful. By learning to break big projects into daily 10-15 minutes/day task, you discover you can indeed move (clutter) mountains.

Difficulty Getting Going and Then Stopping-Most everyone jokes about procrastination but for us ADHD’ers, the struggle is no laughing matter when the consequences bite you in the ass. (Like getting a shut-off notice because you kept putting off paying the power bill.)

The good news? Once we engage in a project, GET OUT OF THE WAY! Because when we tap into this superpower, we git shit done. Buuuuut, it also means we may lose track of time and dammit, (here’s the time blindness again,) you spaced off the appointment you scheduled 4 months ago.

Executive Function Deficits-The overwhelm can stem from here. While ADHD’ers are often smarter than the average bear, the struggle to plan, prioritize, and make decisions, means that squirrel troupe can hijack the best of your plans.

And here is why it’s critical to break organizing tasks into bite-sized pieces. Celebrate those moments when you meet a small goal! The positive reinforcement will only strengthen your intentions and you can then build on the smallest of successes. Nothing builds success like success!

High Sensitivity Clutter- When I walk into a client’s home, I can tell within a moment if they have ADHD, as reflected in their cluttered and chaotic home. My heart will swell with compassion. I think there is a trope that ADHD’ers function well in clutter. Think: Absent-minded professor with papers strewn all over his offer and says the clutter helps him think. Um. If that is true, I think it is a rare exception.

More often, the clients are overwhelmed and feel shame because they just can’t seem to get ahead of the messes and STAY ahead of them. So, the cycle continues. More clutter begats more stress and shame, rinse, later, repeat.

By the way, of all the clients I’ve worked with through the years, it is my ADHD clients that inspire me the most.

Out-of-Sight, Out-of-Mind- It’s easy to just throw shit behind a cupboard door or closet when you hit the tipping point of your clutter tolerance. Or perhaps a friend pulling up into your driveway triggers a frenetic dash and hide. Then we forget about it. And similar to the one law of science that says gas will fill the shape of its container, so it is with clutter. Once clutter gains a foothold there, it will eventually fill the shape of that space.

Unless it is a designated place behind a door or drawer, this will only worsen the clutter.

Impulsivity- How often have you set out to do one thing but on your way to do that one thing, you end up detouring into many other tasks? On your way to throw a load of clothes in the washes, you see paperwork you need to finish for your upcoming appointment. I’d better do it now or I will forget it. From there, you realize you may have not put that appointment on your calendar, so now you’re scrolling through your calendar app. Which reminds me, I need to put peanut butter on the shopping list. Hmmmm. I wonder if there are other items I overlooked as well. Hello, pantry. Good bye two hours.

When I get into that mode, I transform into a human Roomba, powered by lightning-fast impulsivity. I’m busy, sure. But the interrupting nature of the impulsivity will keep me from completing the task. At least the real Roomba will complete its task.

And not only have I failed to get the laundry finished, all the negative self-talk swing into high gear. What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you finish your shit like normal people? Foooooooocus, FFS!

Conclusion- “Good Enough” Wins the Day

Have fun exploring what organizing approaches work for you. And use copious amounts of self-compassion to nip the negative self-talk in the bud. A sense of humor is always good too!

But I think the biggest thing is to remember that “good enough” is GOOD ENOUGH. Striving for perfection and setting unrealistic expectations usually brings only self-condemnation. Discover what works best for you. This includes giving your self-permission to maintain a certain level of clutter before it becomes a source of stress.

What’s good enough for you is all that matters. Happy Decluttering!

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

I cannot tell a lie. I have a deep and abiding affection for dumpsters. In my bag of tricks as a professional organizer, it is my go-to power tool. When I disclose this to my clients, I can see concern (if not downright panic!) flicker across their faces.

And when I disclose my minimalist leanings, well, I keep the smelling salts handy in case one is overtaken with an attack of the vapors. (That’s a Victorian-era reference for passing out. I’ve watched too much Downton Abbey.)

So dear reader, I thought I would take the time to explain to you my view of minimalism. 

The extreme meaning is that you live in an empty room, accompanied by only the bare minimum. Like this one guy who wrote a book entitled Goodbye Things. The Japanese author practices an extreme approach which isn’t for the faint of heart. 

For example, he advocates only having one towel. Uh, yeah. Wouldn’t work for me. (Though I contend that two towels per person are plenty.) And he’s a single guy, too.  One chair. One set setting of silverware.

Part of me wishes I could roll with that but in my world, it would unrealistic. Besides, I wouldn’t want the kids fighting over who gets to use the bowl and spoon first when they stop by for ice cream.

Minimalism means different things to different people. (I’m talking to you, crafters. You can still be crafty and embrace minimalism.)

I like to think of minimalism as more of being an intentionalist. In other words, to be an active participant in my life by being intentional in the choices I make. This includes how I spend my time or the items I may bring into my home.

Semantics I know. But I realize the word minimalism can feel very severe and scary to some. And while not everyone sees the benefit of whittling down their stuff, I believe most can see the value of living with intentionality.

As ADHDers, we can especially benefit from this less is more approach.

So, keep that in mind as I delve into the nuts and bolts of minimalism.

What Does Minimalism Look Like?

What do I mean by that? Simple. Here are a few guidelines that I use to describe minimalism. While I like the “less is more” basic descriptor, there is so much more to it.

• Everything you own is owned with intention. It is used and appreciated. It reflects your values. You own the stuff–not the stuff owning you.

• Minimalism embraces the truth that we find happiness outside of the consumer treadmill. Minimalism values relationship, experiences and love for both self and the planet.

• Minimalism looks for purpose and meaning in life beyond what’s parked in the driveway or the furnishings in your home.

• Minimalism means the calendar and to-do list has more white space on it than the typical stressed-out, over-committed lifestyle that the western world values.

• Minimalism also means learning to say NO to things, busyness and toxic relationships so you can say YES to what matters most to you. And here’s a hint-most people aren’t even clear on what matters most to them because they’re so cluttered with things, busyness and toxic relationships!

What are the Benefits of Minimalism?

Reduced Stress and Anxiety-There is a clear connection between clutter and anxiety, studies continue to support this. Especially if you are a fellow ADHDer. We can get overload too easily by our physical environment.

As I used to tell my students once upon a time, cluttered desk, cluttered mind. I still abide by this truth. (And yes, I can hear some of you saying, “Well, I know right where everything is at.” Sure, you do. 😉)

I remember one lady telling me she loved spending time at the family cabin because it didn’t have many things in it. She said that alone brought peace to her stressed out life.

Financial Savings-By focusing on consuming less, you will spend less. If you are renting a storage unit, the savings to be had are significant. At the time of this writing, 2024, the average non climate controlled 10’x10’ storage unit is $127/month.  With climate control, we’re talking around $171/month.

You may also avoid spending money on duplicate items that you already have. (How often I have heard, “So, THAT’S where that went!” when we excavate hidey holes and closets.)

Sustainability-The older I get, the more concerned I grow over the health of this beautiful planet we inhabit. Minimalism aligns with eco-friendly practices. Less consumption, less waste, less damage to our planet.

Time Savings-Less stuff also means less time cleaning. But it also means saving the time spent from looking for lost items. Most people will spend around 10 minutes every day looking for phones, keys and wallets. This adds up to 2.5 days per year. Over a lifetime, six months.

I can think of a lot more enjoyable ways to use my precious time; how about you?

Improved Physical Health-I’ve already mentioned reduced stress and the benefit of a tidier home. The synergy of these positive results will further support your good health habits. Indirectly, minimalism may even encourage you to pursue the fitness plan you’ve been wanting to try, but have been too overwhelmed to do so. Ditto for healthful eating habits.

Conclusion-Minimalism Can Make Your Life Happier–Really!

Sometimes it is hard to envision making a major life chance. Like downsizing or rightsizing. Or making a commitment to a less consumer-driven life. Especially in a country where “stuff” is like a merit badge.

I’ve seen countless people over the years who took the plunge and never looked back. This is especially so for retired folks who are ready to embrace the next stage of their life, but they can’t because their stuff weights them down.

I often hear, why didn’t I do this sooner? (I have never heard, “I miss the clutter.” No, not once.)

This is your time, dear reader. Cast off that which ways you down and enjoy the feeling of freedom it brings.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab a free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.

My ventures into the world of organizing started at a young age. I read the book “Cheaper by the Dozen” and was captivated by the tales and adventures of the Gilbreth family which, surprise, had 12 kids. No, I wasn’t interested in having twelve kids myself. But what captivated me was the dad, Frank. He was an efficiency expert and as part of his life’s work in industrial engineering, his home became a living laboratory on how to do things more efficiently without skipping quality.

I was hooked and began my own experiments with efficiency. Can I brush my teeth while reading a book? Why, yes, I can. Can I make the bed in a more efficient manner? Affirmative. Even teaching myself guitar became a game of how to move fingers most efficiently on the fret board.

Years later in nursing school, my ability to gamify efficiency was a clear strength. I’ll never forget demonstrating clinical skills, a requirement before they turned us loose on real patients in the hospital, to my instructor and her shocked expression when I finished.

Rut roh, I thought. What did I miss?

“That was the most efficient demonstration I have ever seen,” she said.

So yeah. I dig this stuff. (Provided I don’t go overboard and give myself an anxiety attack.)

From that early age, my ADHD brain saw the connection between efficiency and order and the help it could give my brain to focus. This helped me create an environment that was peaceful. (As peaceful as one can have in a home with 7 kids!)

A calm outer environment helps me wrangle the spinning chaos in my head.

As a young mom, I continued honing my skills and eventually started helping out fellow young moms declutter and figure out systems to help them run their homes.

It’s likely I did more things wrong than I did right back in those days.

Things like assuming what worked for me SHOULD work for them. And encouraging (ahem maybe strong arming is a better word here) to part with things they were not ready to part with.

I’ve learned a lot from those days. Additionally, my training as a life coach and spiritual direction granted me a broader understanding of how a one size fits all approach, actually fits few. Very few.

Especially if you have ADHD.

Organizing Challenges for ADHD are Unique

The super power that is ADHD is a two-edged sword. We are git-shit-done people and can come up with 12 brilliant ideas while others are laboring over coming up with one. Of course, executing any of those 12 ideas is another matter but you get my drift.

Here are some specific ways our ADHD can make organization a challenge and how to address them.

Overwhelm: When your brain is turbocharged and running all out, all.of.the.blessed.time, overwhelm is just a breath away. It’s not because you don’t have a good grip on your mind or that you have a character flaw.

It’s a wiring issue. As I told one doctor, I wake up spring loaded in the morning. It’s great for getting things done. It sucks for learning how to calm down and not get overwhelmed by overwhelm. And the clutter remains untouched. The struggle is very real.

Honor yourself when overwhelm begins to creep in. In order to nip it in the bud, the first thing I do with clients before we start organizing is to box breathe. Breathe in four counts, hold four counts, exhale four counts, hold four counts.

It is incredibly effective in disarming overwhelm and I encourage you to use it as often as needed.

Emotional Decision-Making: This is an aspect of ADHD I was unaware of. I made a couple of purchase decisions a few years ago that left me wondering later, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Not only did it cost me money I could not afford to lose, it was embarrassing. (If you must know, it was a piece of shit van I thought I could fix up.)

I’m all for including emotions in the decision process as long as is informed with solid reasoning. Additionally, I always encourage people to not make any major decisions when emotions are running high. It might seem like a brilliant idea in the moment until the consequences come home to roost.

And this is why the Marie Kondo “spark joy” approach doesn’t work because for ADHDers, EVERYTHING can spark joy.

When it comes to organizing, the easiest way to counter this is to start with items that hold no emotional charge, like things that are broken beyond repair.

Maintaining Focus: I laugh at the “attention deficit” descriptor of ADHD. When an ADHDer is locked on with a passion project, there is absolutely no attention deficit present.

On other practical things in life, like maintaining an orderly home, not so much. The lack of focus means that instead of accomplishing the one task you set out to do, you become a human Roomba, wandering about pell mell, bumping about randomly until the battery runs out. Sound familiar? Sure, you may cover a lot of territory, but the one thing you wanted to do remains unfinished.

By using a timer and breaking things into small tasks, you will build your focus muscles. And speaking of time…

Time Blindness: Many ADHDer’s struggle with estimating how long a project will take and this can lead to discouragement. You thought it would only take an hour to get that linen closet sorted but three hours and multiple distractions later, it’s still a mess.

Time blindness can keep us from setting any goals as well because there is an all-or-nothing perspective that keeps you from tackling bigger projects, knowing it will take significant time. But alas, you never address it because the thought of it is too overwhelming.

Again, the use of a timer will support your efforts.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: But I might need that one day!

Ah yes. The “might need” battle cry has built many a pile-o-stuff bunkers. And then, on the rare occasion that you may need the attachment to the mixer that went down in flames 20 years earlier, you can’t find it because it’s buried.

The irony of this? A person buys duplicates of an item because they can’t find the other three, they just know it is around here somewhere.

This isn’t just and ADHD thing either. If you are a boomer or Gen x, it’s likely you were influenced by a grandparent who went through the Great Depression were hanging onto items just made sense. But keep in mind this was at a time when material goods and creature comforts were minimal.

After World War II, the age of consumerism took root, aided by developments in mass production, the science of marketing, easy credit and post-war economic growth.

Today, we are awash in stuff. And we are reluctant to part with any of it.

Sometimes the “have you used this in the past few years” can help someone loosen their grip.

A better question at times is this: “Did you have opportunity to use this item but chose not to?”

Impulsivity: Recreational shopping and ADHD are oil and water. Recognizing this is critical because the ultimate way to stop clutter is to quit bringing it into the house.

Yes, I know it’s a great bargain. Yes, I know the item set your tail wagging and you’ve simply got to have it NOW.

I am not shopper so I realize I can give kill joy advice here: just don’t go shopping. That’s helpful huh?  NOT!

If this is your challenge, I encourage you to make a list before your shop and focus on your objectives. And be sure to shop with cash only so you do not dishonor your commitment to your budget.

Conclusion – ADHD and Organization Can Go Together!

It’s a common trope that ADHD and disorganization are like peanut butter and jelly.  There’s good reason for this.

But I believe that ADHD and organization can go hand in hand and perhaps even become one of our super powers.

Understanding how your unique brain works is the first key. Then learning basic tools and developing new habits, and you have great potential for a trifecta victory in managing your home.

You can do this! And above all things, as you implement these strategies, give yourself copious amounts of compassion and patience. This is not a race.

Creating a peaceful home that runs smoothly doesn’t happen by accident. It will take time and work. But the rewards will far surpass the effort you take. Give yourself the gift.

You are so worth it.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Please share with anyone you know who may find this helpful. Care to support my work? You can click here. Tips are not expected but deeply appreciated!

Grab your free subscription to my Substack Newsletter, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me for life coaching or spiritual direction? I would love to hear from you! Click here.